I'll Be Home For Christmas
by Ms.Do-Anything-I-Want
Summary: Edwards first love... a secret that he kept from Bella. The reason he left in New Moon.


I'll Be Home For Christmas

Love seemed to avoid Edward Cullen. Until her met her. But this Christmas romance doesn't last. Something happens and it destroys Edward. He finally fell in love and it was ruined. Who is she? What happened? Ten years before he even thought of Bella.

_Time Lost_

_By Gary R. Hess_

_Wasting a lifetime_

_Trying to find love_

_Nothing happens_

_No hope, no girl_

_Suddenly see her_

_But ten years before_

_Can't do anything_

_Used to be friends, nothing more_

_Now realized affection _

_Can go no further_

_Lost a lifetime_

_And lost desire_

_Try to forget_

_But can't_

_Try to die_

_But don't_

_Mind suddenly gone_

_No end is near_

_Nothing to do now_

_But go on_

Heartbreak is something that often happens to all of us but some of us never heal. Then the world changes mangled by the one who once long ago held your heart and let it go to waste. Many of us move on for what is best. Seeing the world the same as before. Nothing changes. That's because they hadn't experienced the true, changing, painful and forever love. The one that can make you or break you. It broke me to pieces.

A soft snow settled on the ground around me and I didn't care to move. To live. Hitting me hard, as ice that contained my heart now, I felt nothing. She would've stayed, she would've chosen me. How can a girl have so much affect on me? I didn't understand. Maybe I didn't want to.

It happened on the one day that is supposed to be the happiest. Christmas. I didn't like remembering. But she haunted my every thought. My memories over whelmed me. I tried to escape the horrid world of my past.

"Wake up Edward," Alice called jumping on my bed. She knew I hadn't been asleep. I couldn't sleep. I was just laying motionless on my couch. "Edward you promised me you'd take me Christmas shopping. Get up you are taking me now. Come get up!"

I opened my eyes and glared at Alice who was still standing on my bed. I groaned and threw my arms over my eyes. "Do I have to go? I mean what is so great about shopping?"

"Don't be a jerk," Alice pulled me off the bed. "Get dressed before I call Emmett in here to help you."

"I don't get why we are even celebrating Christmas. We aren't human," I grumbled as I walked into the closet and shut the door to get ready. Alice seemed to believe that doing human traditions would make us seem more human.

I walked out the closet and Alice grabbed my arms. "We are having humans over though. So the more human we act the better. Carlisle and Emmett went to find a Christmas tree. We are buying presents. Rosalie and Esme are cooking dinner. Jasper is tiding the house."

"Humans? Who?" I questioned as we got in the car.

"It's a surprise."

I searched her thoughts for something that would show who it is. Alice's thought grew angry at me. _Edward you aren't going to find anything. As I said it's a secret and I'll get my thoughts busy so you can't tell._

I groaned and gave up. "For someone so awfully small you are so hugely irritating," I growled.

Alice smirked. "Thanks."

"I'd say your welcome but your really not."

She began to laugh as I turned on to the highway. I didn't often get irritated with her but she was getting on my nerves in the extreme way. Who were the humans? Did I know them? Were they some of Carlisle patients? I'll find out tomorrow. Christmas is tomorrow.

Time goes by fast for me than for humans. I didn't even realize it was going to be Christmas eve tonight. Hmm how weird. I had no one to share Christmas with. Everyone else did but not me. I was in a sense a loner.

I didn't mind being alone. But maybe once it would be nice to feel love. To let it take over you. For just one moment. I had never been in love in love. Never. Crushes were something every boy has at sometime in his life. I'd never found the one. Maybe she wasn't out there.

We pulled up to the mall doors and Alice flew out of the car. "Edward I'll meet you in the food court. Fifteen minutes."

I nodded and pulled away from the doors to find a place to park. I smoothly pulled into a parking space. I had fourteen minutes more to myself. To not shop. Alice was always going to malls not matter how far away they were. She would die if malls didn't exist. I am sure of it.

I closed my eyes and let my thoughts cloud my mind. I didn't mind think of more than one thing. It help me clear my head. I heard people that passed think that I must have been asleep. I didn't mind hearing people's thoughts when they were nice or appropriate.

I looked at the clock. Damn! I was going to be late. Alice will kill me. I jumped out of the car and ran human speed. It wouldn't be very good to run at my speed in a mall. Wouldn't want to hit an old lady or anything.

I reached the food court and saw Alice tapping her foot impatiently. Good let her be mad I thought unimportantly. I walked up to her and she grimaced at me. "Your seventeen minutes late. Explain yourself."

"I lost track of time."

"Whatever. Lets shop," Alice said. She turned and walked into the shopping area of the mall. With a groan I followed her. She knew I was following her so she didn't turn around to check. _Edward what do you think the humans would like? They're four girls._

Ugh. I came to shop for human girls. Alice danced into one store and I froze outside the door. There is no way on hell or earth that I would go into that store. Heaven couldn't even get me to go in there. Not all the money in the world could. Especial Alice.

Alice turned and motioned for me to follow. I shook my head stubbornly. She shrugged and dance further into the clothing. Though it was not really clothing. Not even close.

Alice proved something to me. A girl can shop in the same store for hours. I didn't mind standing there outside the store. I couldn't believe someone could handle shopping so long. I know I couldn't.

Alice smiled at the woman at the check out counter. Wow finally done shopping. I heard Alice screaming her thoughts at me. _Don't you dare think we are done! We are done for the humans. Now us. Got it?!_I shrugged and stood there until Alice walked out of the store. She didn't turn but kept walking until she reached a sports store. She turned to me and grinned. "Emmett."

I rolled my eyes and followed Alice into the store. I didn't pay much attention to what was in the store. Alice already knew what to get him. I pretended to yawn as she casually looked for what he would get. I knew she was taking her time. I hated how slow she was.

_Do you want this? _She thought as she pulled out some shorts. They were girls. I groaned and shook my head. She raised one of her eyebrows at me. _Are you sure? I bet it could work. _

I rolled my eyes at her. She can only get worse. I didn't want to shop much longer with her or her excitement.

Alice slowly shopped and I followed silently. I didn't care what they got. I spent my time thinking about who these human girls were. How could I not know by now? It was going to be hard not to kill Alice so I can know who they are. Did I know them? I can't believe they had kept it from me this long.

We got into the car and got back on to the highway. I didn't mind the electric silence between us. Alice's thoughts were centered around Jasper. I tried to ignore them the best I could.

We pulled slowly up to the front of the house. Alice was out of the car before I could say one word to her. I stopped the car and got out. I could smell human food when I got inside. I walked towards the kitchen. Rosalie had tissues up her nose. I have fulfilled because now I have seen Rosalie looked like an idiot. I chuckled to myself as I walked passed her.

Alice had the presents wrapped and under the tree when I finally reached her. She smiled and plopped on the couch. She was satisfied with herself. I rolled my eyes and sat down by her.

The humans were going to be here any minute and I still had no idea who they were. But they are girls and that's about it. Everyone seemed to find something else to think about. It was annoying.

I let my mind wonder as I thought through who it might be. There was a soft knock on the door and Alice danced to the door to let our guests in. The stood four human girls. _Oh my god. Now I see that Carlisle isn't the only good looking one. _

I rolled my eyes. That was about their only thoughts about our family. Then one of them smiled at me. I think I would've blushed. "Hi I am Sammi and you are?"

"Edward," I whispered. She giggled softly and turned to her friends. I didn't care to listen to what she said to them. The one next to Sammi turned to Emmett with a flirty smile. Rose immediately took defence and held him closer to her. "Hello I am Anna."

Emmett smiled back. "Hey I'm Emmett."

"And I am Rosalie his girlfriend," Rose snarled. Anna took a step back and Sammi stepped in front of Anna.

Emmett glared at Rose. "Don't worry her bark is worse than her bite."

I chuckled under my breathe. Rosalie walked over to me and slapped me on the cheek. I smiled at her. "Oh that hurt."

"Shut up," Rose snarled. Alice touched her shoulder. Rose looked at her and Alice shook her head. Rose nodded. She walked into the kitchen and turned only once to glared coldly at Emmett.

Emmett ignored her and walked over to Anna. He put his arm around her shoulders. She smiled at him. Emmett didn't seem to find flirting with girls. He seemed to do it a lot.

Rachel smiled at Carlisle and Esme. "Hi I am Rachel."

Carlisle smiled back at her. "I am Carlisle and this is Esme. Welcome to our home. Is there anything you need or want?"

The only one who hadn't told us her name said, "Food. Drinks. Something," She laughed. Sammi elbowed her in the side.

I chuckled at her joke. She smiled at me. "Hey I am Nicole."

I nodded and smiled. "Nice to meet you all."

She walked over to me. She stood by me and grinned at Sammi and thought… _Oh no he likes me more!_

Who said I liked either of them? Sammi rolled her eyes and walked over to Jasper and Alice. They all started talking. I was instantly angered when she started flirting with Jasper. I knew this emotion. Jealousy.

Damnitt why was I jealous of Jasper? This was just a girl and he was my brother but I still couldn't shake the feeling of jealousy. Jasper looked at me and thought _Jealous huh? I wonder what you would do if she was yours and not for free! Oh I would love to see the day when you claim a girl and get jealous._

I let out a small very low growl that Anna, Sammi, Nicole, and Rachel wouldn't have a chance of hearing. Alice's head shot up and glared at me. _Maybe you should join Rose in setting the table and getting your anger out in some other way. We d have humans here._

I rolled my eyes. There is no way in hell I was going to spend time with Rosalie. The envy queen. She was always finding a way to make herself feel beautiful and make everyone envy her. But Anna didn't seem to care. She was making moves on Emmett.

It was nice to have someone unknowing there. Nicole constantly flirted with me as I watched Sammi talk to Jasper. Alice had stormed out of the room mumbling that she was going to find Rose. She wasn't the only one jealous. But I wasn't so bold to admit it.

I didn't mind Sammi glancing constantly at Nicole and I. Rose and Alice can stonely to the living room. Alice tried to smiled. But her thoughts weren't so nice. _Who the hell does she think she is?! He is mine. My Jazz. No one else can have HIM! And damnitt Jasper you aren't make this easier on me!_

She seemed to have forgotten I can hear her thoughts until I coughed and she looked at me. She grimaced. _Sorry but I am just a little jealous. I can't think straight while they are flirtling._

I smiled and thought of something that might apease both of us. She grinned at me. Now to put my plan in motion. I yawned and put my arm around Nicole's sholders. I didn't like using her but I don't think she minded. Sammi's eyes flashed over to Nicole and I. She frowned when she saw my arm.

Alice smiled. _She is going to try to use Jasper to see how you react so don't react at all. I think I can handle her doing as much as she wants to with him. It isn't much. So I think I can handle it._

I chuckled under my breath. Jasper looked really confused with the sudden mood swings of Alice and I. Sammi took Jasper's hand. I rolled my eyes. Jasper looked down at his hand. _Please don't let Alice come and kill me. I don't want to be rude either. When did I become goodlooking? _

I shrugged. He rolled his eyes. Nicole continuely talked so all I had to do is nod every time she stopped. I didn't like to listen to thoughts so I mostly ignored them. Blocking them out the best I can.

Esme eventually stocked out of the room with Alice and Rose. I heard Rose before she left. _Damnitt Emmett. You are sleeping on the couch. Damn why am I not human like they are? Apparently these stupid ass boys like humans._

I sighed. "How about we go and eat? I am sure the food is ready."

They all looked at me. Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper's thoughts were the same. _Thank you. I think the girls are going to kill us though._

I shrugged. It was they problem not mine. I could like Sammi, Nicole, Anna or Rachel if I wanted to. I had not ties to another woman. I could love and feel anything I wanted to.

We all walked into the dining room. Rachel sat on the right of Carlisle and Esme on the left. Anna on the left of Emmett and Rose on the right. Sammi sat inbetween Jasper and I. Alice and Nicole on the opposite side.

We all watched the girls eat. Every once and a while we would have to choke down something to appease them. It would suck to throw that up in a while. I loved it when Rose had to eat a roll. Her nose scrunched up she stuffed it into her mouth. _What is so appetizing about this food? I think dirt tastes better than this. Ugh. This is so gross._

I quietly laughed at her. When she finished I almost thought she would run out back and throw up. But she sat there watching Anna flirt with Emmett. Nicole and Sammi continued to talk to me. "So tell me about yourselves," I suggested.

Sammi jumped at the idea. She began to tell me about her family and her friends. Her life. Everything.

After she finished Nicole took a turn. I learned a lot about them. I found out about a book. They seemed very ecstatic about this book. They told me what it was about and I learned that I didn't like this book or writer much.

They told me about mostly everything.

I listened closely. Sammi sometimes blushed at comments Nicole said. As if it was really bad.

Dinner was soon over and Alice gave us all the presents we went and bought earlier that day. They all laughed at the goofy presents they got. Soon it was time for the girls to go and I walked Sammi and Nicole to the door. So did Emmett walk Anna and Carlisle with Rachel. Jasper trailed behind. I kissed Sammi and Nicole's cheek. Jasper kissed their cheeks too.

Carlisle kissed Rachel's cheek and Emmett kissed Anna's. They walked outside and to their car. I smiled to myself while they drove away. Jasper looked at me with a smile. "Does Eddie have a crush?"

I glared at him. He shouldn't have gone there. I tackled him and he dropped to the floor. We began to wrestle when the girls walked in. Esme looked straight at me. Daggers piercing me. _Edward Cullen go to your room now. You are no part of this! _she growled at me in her head.

I shoved off the floor and went to my room.

Soon my life began to fold into a patterns. First I ran in the woods. Second after the girls got out of school I went to see them. Next I helped Sammi with schoolwork. Then I went home and shut myself up in my room because the Cullen family was still having fights over the humans.

I was beginning to fall in love with Sammi. It made me smile. I never thought I would find love and now that I have. I don't know if I'd ever be the same. She might as well have changed me.

I began to get close to her. I was thinking about telling her what I am but I was scared. What if she wouldn't love me? Would I be able to care for anyone again? Survive again.

Being so close to Sammi was hard on me. Today I had to hunt. No one else came. They were still fighting since Christmas when they came over. The kisses on the cheeks the other boys gave them didn't help their case.

I could smell deer close by. I ran through the woods at my own speed. I was in a rush to hunt. I was going to meet Sammi after I was done here.

I tackled a deer and bite its neck. I soon finished it off and left the deer laying in the open field. Soon I heard soft footsteps entering where I was. I froze. It was Sammi. She had followed me.

She saw me. I knew she had. I should've been more careful when I run and when I hunt. I heard her approach me. I closed my eyes scared about what she saw. What she now knows.

She softly touched my shoulder and I looked softly at her. She looked back at me but her expression told me nothing and her thoughts were not help either. She was keeping something from me.

She had seen so much in a few minutes ago.

Sammi and I walked into the field in silence. I knew what she thought. I knew I was in trouble. I didn't mind the walk but I could hear her planning. She wanted to be with me but what I was and what she was made her believe that it never could be.

We entered the field but she still refused to look at me. I wasn't scared. But neither was she. She turned to face me. "You are impossibly fast, and strong. Your never out in the sun. You don't eat food a lot. Your eyes change colors."

I stared at her for a moment. "Are you scared?"

"Should I be?" Sammi stared at me. Her expression hurt and pained. "What… what are you? Who are you? Why would you lie to me? To me of all people."

I brokenly cursed myself in my head. "Sammi I… would've but I couldn't. I was afraid you wouldn't love me if you knew. I am tried to get used to not being loved. But I am in love with you but I am…. A vampire."

She looked away into the forest. Her eyes were distant and her expression mixed with anger and sadness that had me aching to just reach out and touch her. A single tear slipped down her cheek. She didn't brush it off. She let it burn down the side of her cheek.

"Edward you can't love me. You shouldn't. I am not one of you and you are whatever you are," Sammi whispered. She turned to me and kissed me softly on the cheek. If I could cry I would've right there. She turned away from me. "Goodbye Edward. I will always love you."

I stood there frozen as the love of my life walked out of it just as easy as she had on that Christmas eve.

How I hate Christmas and I will never be able to celebrate it or do anything of the sort.

I pulled away from my tragic romance memories. She had left me empty or maybe I now was supposed to fulfill myself.

I would not ever in my life fall in love again.

I left the field and turned into the trees letting those memories disappear with the disappearing field.

_Goodbye_

_By Gary R Hess_

_I don't really want to say goodbye_

_I don't really want to leave you_

_But now I have to go away_

_Stay away from you forever_

_What we had was something special_

_Deep down from our hearts_

_But now I have to go away_

_And leave you from my heart_


End file.
